Anytime my mothering instinct kicks in, I’m always surprised. Jonathan swears up and down I will make an excellent mother – and I admit that there are times I have my doubts, and yet some times….I can see it shining through.
So…last night I was driving Rescue One to go get gas. About halfway there I spotted two young men (too young to be walking alone on the side of the road). I flipped the lights, pulled a U-turn and stopped to ask them what was going on- were they broke down, where were they going…etc. I very calmly called dispatch and let them know what was going on. After talking to 3640 (a deputy) I was on my way. Turns out, both ended up being taken to jail – one was wanted out of another county, and the other seemed to be an accomplice. Soo my mothering instinct has now gotten two juveniles arrested… not quite the goal I had in mind, but at least they aren’t still out on the street!
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A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Dispatcher: Okay, sir, you’re an ambulance!
How long does it take to make your heart take a back seat? To be able to do your job efficiently and yet keep your feelings out of the equation? I honestly believe that if you work in public service (law enforcement and ems), and half way give a darn there really isn’t an end in sight for the constant feel that you just weren’t good enough, talented enough, or fast enough to save a life or that your intervention was inadequate.
Jonathan recently had to be there for me in a big way. A few weeks ago, a page went out early in the morning about a premature baby- not breathing, no pulse. Parents were performing CPR. Staggering out of bed, I went to the call. Last I saw him the baby was breathing and had a pulse- on his way to the hospital in the ambulance. About 2 days later I found out that he had died in the hospital- all my intervention still hadn’t saved his life. I got this over whelming sense that I had failed him. About 2 weeks after that- I saw the baby’s face everywhere- literally! The Athens Banner Herald did a special human interest article on him, with a huge photo of his face plastered on the front of the paper. Everywhere I went his soul full eyes were haunting me, making me question myself and what we had all done. Telling yourself that it wasn’t your fault, or that you did all you could doesn’t make the hurt go away- or fix that nagging feeling that you could have done more even though you knew you did it all.
Jonathan has faced similar situations in his line of work. Except perhaps he feels slightly more useless than I do, as he is forced to listen to people’s tragedies through the telephone or attempt to help save officers’ lives over the radio. I can’t imagine sometimes what it must be like to be him in some of those situations. To have the fortitude to sit there and listen to someone getting beaten, crying, or pleading for someone to help. I often sit and wonder what it must be like to be the voice of salvation on the end of the phone- yet be unable to be their literal savior… but all too often their condemned martyr if it is all for naught. Recently, Jonathan had to do what I know in my heart I couldn’t- he was forced to listen to a woman bleed to death and literally die in his ear, as she bled out from one of her dialysis ports. I have lost 2 patients, but not once have I felt like I could do nothing- to be the last one a person hears, well- its too much for me to bear. My deaths have all been silent affairs.
It may seem as if the loads are getting heavier, but in reality they are all the same as they were when we were fresh and new. The trick is to lean on one another, and hope that a triumph continues to come- even every great once in a while.
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Catherine
About Me
I’m a 21 year old life saver- an EMT Intermediate for the state of Georgia.
I have been all around the world- (army brat), including being born in Nechagartok, Germany. I have the world’s greatest boyfriend! I’ve been dating Jonathan for about six or so years and I have never been happier- anyone can tell by the permanent smile on my face. Jonathan “Lane” always comes to my rescue- his latest being on August 31, when D’Artagnan and I were in a terrible wreck.(I love you baby!!! xoxo) I am an English major and I plan on going to law school most likely somewhere like Harvard or UCLA. I plan on going into International Law and one day being a judge in the International Criminal Court or the International Court of Justice. I have two very sweet babies, D’Artagnan my 2 year old, and Calandra’s Noel, my beautiful 7 month old. They are both precious and will finish out around 200 lbs each!
Interests
- Emergency Medicine
- Reading
- Working on my novel
- Saving Lives
- Running Code
- Spending time with my hubby and our 2 puppies
Favorite Movies
- Hitman
- Shoot em up
- The Jane Austin Book Club
- 300
- Live Free or Die Hard
- Pride and Prejudice
Favorite Books
- Just about anything… I love to read!
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Jonathan
- Age: 22
- Gender: Male
- Astrological Sign: Pisces
- Zodiac Year: Tiger
- Occupation: Communications Officer
- Location: Watkinsville : Georgia : United States
About Me
I’m 22 years old. I have lived in Oconee for 9 years, before that I lived in South Georgia (Moultrie-Colquitt County). I would eventually like to get a career in Computer Forensics with the FBI or the GBI. I got a new truck back in 2005, a Dodge Ram 1500. My wonderful fiance and I have two babies together, our little boy is D’Artagnan, and our baby girl, Cali! They are both Great Pyrenees and are expected to finish out around 200 lbs when full grown. We got the name D’Artagnan (from the 3 Musketeers), and so far he’s been great and is very easy to train. We are enjoying him and have more and more fun with him everyday. Cali is the baby in the family, and acts every inch the spoiled pup! Both are snow white (when they haven’t been in the mud). I started working with the Athens-Clarke Police Department as a Communications Officer in August of 2005 and I love it so far. It’s a fun job…something different everyday- but saving lives is a guarantee.
Interests
- Website Design
- Computer Forensics
- Law Enforcement
- Running
- Outdoors
- Hanging out with friends and takin’ it easy
- My Dodge Ram 1500
Favorite Movies
- XXX
- Without a Paddle
- Monster-in-Law
- Red Eye
- V for Vendetta
- and a whole lot more…
Favorite Music
- 95.5
- 98.1
- 103.3
- 102.1 (A little bit of everything…)
Favorite Books
- The Poet by Michael Connelly and any John Sandford series (Shadow Prey)
- The Count and the Confession by John Taylor
We first went to the cabin that Jonathan’s parents were staying at- and I have to admit it was gorgeous,way more luxury than you would expect from a cabin.
